Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
