I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
