We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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