I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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