Cold hands, warm shart.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
