Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
