I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
