Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
