You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
