Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
