She said her name was "party"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
