Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
