He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
