our cab driver is having phone sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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