I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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