dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need moral support for this bender
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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