would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
