You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
