I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
