when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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