I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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