i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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