those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
