We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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