im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
