Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
