Define "chronic" masturbator.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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