Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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