your room smells of hookers.
And success
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
