Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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