my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
