His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
