It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
