I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
