No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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