Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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