can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
