I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
