Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
