u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
