I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
