Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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