One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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