definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize