I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
