She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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