he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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