if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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