I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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