True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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