I CAN MOONWALK!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
