Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
