she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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