Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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