I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
