oh god the rape fog is back!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
