Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
