i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
