we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want a musical about memes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
