Please don't use social media to get back at me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
