I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
