wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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