i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
