this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
